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Which Phoenix?

On tuesday, the twins came over to NYC for dinner. We met in 7th grade and parted ways my sophomore year in highschool. For us international kids, loss is just a part of the game. I’m used to saying goodbye.

But with my living in NYC at all, the center of the universe as far as anyone is concerned, we managed to stage a small dinner in the city when they came to visit. We try to do this every year, since I arrived here for college. A tradition like the phoenix, rising out of the ashes.

But there is another phoenix I was thinking about today. The one from x-men (eh, nerd) to be clear. Jean Grey is known for being on the good side. I was thinking about that today, reminiscing about my total lack of teenage-and-young-adult antics. I’m getting tired of being good. Jean Grey got tired of being good too, one day–and so she killed 5 billion people.

How do we change who we are, from “good” to “bad,” from naive 7th graders to seniors in college? The twins noted in detail all the things about me that had remained the same (my swearing), and all that hadn’t (my wardrobe). Do we re-learn who we were, to move forward to who we can be? Do we ever really determine who we are? And if memories and experience do shape us, can someone who only acts good ever be bad? Or, step out of the bounds, at the very least? Can we write ourselves, into existence, like another comic-book character?